Well, today we removed the final items out of my moms room.
All whilst feeling utterly broken
We donated some of her furniture to other residents and staff and we are happy that they will continue to get good use.
My hubs has been so supportive and helpful to me during this horrible time.
He literally has been my rock.
It's hard to believe that I will never, ever see my mom again...or hear her voice...or share a coffee...talk about my boys, her grandsons... or take her to dinner.
It's all so surreal.
I feel like I haven't had the time to fully digest this...between the texts, emails, gathering and sorting through her collections, meeting with the funeral director, writing her obituary...oh, just all the "stuff, stuff, stuff"!!!!!
All I really wanted to do was curl up and CRY CRY CRY an ocean of tears for all the struggles she went through but did NOT deserve!!!
Yet, through it all, she ALWAYS tried to be so strong for us so we wouldn't have to worry.
BUT I DID.
I WORRIED LIKE CRAZY!!!!
I worried myself SICK.
I am so angry that she wasn't able to do the "normal" mother-daughter things...and so angry she wasn't able to be a "normal" grandma to her grandsons!!!!
But I loved her, we loved her, no matter what.
And that's all we could do.
And we still love her.
And always will...
I hope she shows me signs, all the time, that she is near me.
I cry for her death, but i cry even more for the life she led these past few years.
So much dignity was robbed from her.
I hate you, MS.
You're the work of the devil!!!
...but you did not win in the end.
You successfully took my moms physical abilities away, but you were unable to take her grace or her ability to love others away.
You desperately failed at that!!!
Mom, I love you.
You are free from all pain and your dignity is restored now and for eternity.
Fly free!!!....go wherever your heart desires! You are no longer held down by the chains of your disabilities!!!
So long and farewell my beautiful mother and friend, please visit me often xxxooo
With all my love, Eden